Forgetting

My least favorite part about breaking up with someone is the inevitable forgetting. Not the breakup itself, not the pain and misery of the slow recovery, but forgetting them throughout your days. The fact that they subtly slip through the cracks in your mind, only coming to memory when a certain song plays, or theres a certain part of the day you two shared a passion for. Yeah, you never forget them, how could you? But when you go through a day and realize wow, I didn’t think of them all day, it is easily more heartbreaking than the entirety of anything that they could have done to hurt you. You not only miss them, you don’t think about them.

The events of a relationship amaze me. You find a human, and there’s an immediate connection- even if it’s subtle or unconsidered. Then you talk, communicating in the usual way when meeting someone new. But slowly, gradually, you develop your own unique way of communicating, inside jokes are made, simple phrases are said to brighten the persons day- or even turn them on. The attraction grows, the thought of this person occurs more frequently. Suddenly you care about this person. This person is important. Their happiness and well being is important.

Then time goes by, whether a week or 10 years, it goes by. You become annoyed with them, they do something you can’t forgive, or something prevents you from progressing together. Whatever it is, you break up.

Single, again. Alone. Miserable. Without them.

Eventually at some point in the post-breakup process, you have to decide to either obsess or forget. You can’t fully keep their memory alive, and it is a real thing to remain in love with someone years beyond the last time you talked, but eventually you need to allow yourself to forget- or as most people call it: Move on.

My poor heart. I do not like forgetting, that is why I keep a journal. But to forget someone who made you feel like you could live a happy, fulfilling life regardless of what you accomplish, as long as they are there? THAT, my dear reader, is my idea of ultimate heartbreak.

 

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