I’m relaxing in a bed in Bozeman, Montana. Thoughts circle my mind, the kind that threaten to chew me up and spit me out. I won’t let them win… not today. I need to keep focused on yesterday’s plights- riding a horse in the middle of Montana’s beautiful mountains. The horses I rode are a beautiful white, and the other a handsome brown. I couldn’t stop grinning, I felt so alive. So on top of the world. I felt as if my cowboy heritage were flowing through me, that a horse is what I should ride. It felt natural to me.
At one point the horse became spooked. The mom of the girl that took me to ride the horses asked me to raise my cowboy hat for a photo (borrowed from the kid who lives at the house my band is staying at). The horse didn’t like it, and took off in a frightened gallop. I held on with my might, pulling in the reins and shouting, “Whoa, girl!” and within seconds the horse calmed into a basic trot. Exhilarating. I felt so free in a way, that I was able to stay on for such an unexpected and rough ride. Maybe I’m a Jaeger after all. My brother would be proud.
I’ve been talking to someone online. I may need to stop, though. She seems to be developing feelings for me… I don’t want this again in my life. I just want to continue existing, playing music, and living each day to the fullest I can. I fell in love once… I don’t plan to do it again. Especially not with someone who dated a good friend of mine, and especially someone I don’t know in person. To be honest, I don’t think I will ever love someone again.
I feel every time Stocksmile performs we are better than each time before. Our on stage volumes are becoming more and more perfect. People are learning to dance and get involved in our unique sounds and tempos. I am loving this. To not only see the progression in myself, the progression of each band members performance, but the progression of crowd involvement. Maybe we aren’t as simple, basic, or boring as I imagine.
“Maybe we don’t see ourselves the way we really are.” – Russell Hammond
I’ve recently started watching the three Adventures of the Wilderness Family. I’m enjoying them! They are a bit corny, but that’s what makes them so fun. I would love to have a wife and children, plus a cabin in the woods, and living a self sustaining life.