Escape

I was going to hike last night. Escape my pressing depression, the kind that eventually won. My mistake was my craving for sushi, and buying 6 shots of whiskey afterward (the cute bartender filled the glass to the top, hooking it up big time).

My band wanted to get sushi and I joined them. I bought a women’s wide brimmed hat at the nearby Target. Possibly a mistake, but I look good in it. Then I gorged on sushi, eating everything my stomach could handle since I purchased the all-you-can-eat special. I also bought Paul’s meal, which he is paying me back for. We drank sake, laughed, had a good time.

After out meal, I was dropped off at Don’t Tell Mama, a piano bar in downtown Las Vegas. I didn’t wear my new hat because the French Canadian girl was going to be there, and my hat is basically hers (she let me wear her hat the other night, where I fell in love with the look). I was shy. I didn’t say hi to them other than a wave hello. I was quiet. I bought whiskey in order to limber myself up, and it worked, but I drank too much. I did what I could to overcome my thoughts over thought, to prevent the depression I was feeling from becoming too much. But after walking to another bar, where the French Canadians went to, I was consumed. I tried talking to her, but she seemed disinterested. I am probably over thinking this. Before we left after less than 5 minutes of being there, my new friend suggested I ask her to hike, or better yet, to go to 7 Magic Mountains, and I asked her. “Do you want to hike with us this Friday?”

She said no, but she would think about it. She isn’t much of a hiker. For some reason I took this as rejection, even though it clearly isn’t. My depression then consumed me. I became sullen and somber, just wanting to hike. I should have hiked and denied the desire for sushi… but SUSHI! Oh well. I am feeling much better this morning. Getting my dark thoughts out on here last night helped, and I looked at my ex girlfriends blog. They are primarily posts about me and my blocking her on social media, as well as not giving her the chance to say goodbye, and her feelings that she made a mistake.

I want to talk to the F/C tonight. I will be sure I do, though after our drunken make out, things are weird. It effects me, because I actually want to get to know this person. But, I am leaving on the 19th. She lives in another country. I will be back on tour, doing what I am most passionate about: playing music live every night. I will keep in touch with them, the French Canadians, hopefully they make it to our Montreal show in May! Going to try and get one of their favorite local bands (probably their friends) on the show, that way they are more inclined to attend. Plus the band (Dangereens) are pretty rad. They sent me a home recorded demo after I asked where I can hear their music. They are releasing a single this month, according to their Facebook posts, and I am excited to listen to the studio mixes!

Today my band plays out first show in months, months that brought me mostly mental and emotional agony. I can’t wait to release those emotions through energetic performance, in front of the F/C’s, my new friends, my current Las Vegas friends, and the crowd of people that are sure to be there. It will be a good night. Jim Stone will be recording it. I am very excited. I look forward to feeling whole again.

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